Suicide comes with no authentic words but only nothingness into ones life which leads into the drifting away of pure escape, down the tunnel mouth of what appears to be darker than darkness. An evil called seduction en captured with deception that clothes the mental state and suppresses rationale thinking into silence while the thought of emptiness grows vague.
The authenticity of pure hopelessness and the cross roads of trying to understand the 'why' confronts the reality everyday with; what exactly is purpose and how does one make sense out of what does not? These never ending questions of torment and heaviness seeps into the subconscious and without comparison invades the consciousness with the desire of needing more resolve to what is not understood.
The belief that no one understands and knows the pain that needs to be escaped and the overwhelming burden of rejection comes to sit upon the shoulders of the 'strong one' never finding the resolve cried out for but instead finds what appears to be the solution. Oftentimes it is not understood the 'why' that occurs within this life allowed to every man or woman. There are many circumstances that dictate the outcome of each directional step taken.
For example; every man and woman has to deal with certain inevitable moments that presents itself to try you either in your faith or your heart and sometimes both. When the heart takes an excruciating blow it literally takes the breath from you while leaving you in a state of confusion. When your faith has been greatly tried it literally causes you to question 'God' the only problem you have are the many questions that race through your mind only to find yourself question-less when the lips part and nothing seems to come out but a cry of agony.
This is up close and personal in the face of suicide with the deep desire to want to make sense out of what does not therefore bringing you into a knowing moment that this 'way' is not the resolve. Now what? You scream, you cry, you eat, you don't eat. You want to call someone, you do not feel like being bothered, you want to socialize, you do not want to be around people, Now where? Where do you turn while facing the loneliness? Where do you turn while fighting through all the confusion?
The inevitable moment of these oppression's that sit upon your mind and heart. Who do you call? Who will understand the in-depth feelings you have? Who will genuinely listen/hear the words in between your words? Who will hear your hearts agony? Who will care? When will it all turn around for the good and how much longer will you have to keep pushing? What happens when there is no more push?
These questions and more flood the mind and heart when its up close and personal in the face of suicide.
