UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

     Darkness encloses and the overtaking of numbness invades the body when depression and hopelessness oppresses the mental state. The crushing and suffocating feeling of loneliness outweighs the words spoken by the inner parts. The invitation of darkness through mere ignorance and now crying out for the eviction of its company is merely a living horror of regret in agony of sending out the invite. Because along with the invitation of this suffocating darkness came suicide.

Suicide comes with no authentic words but only nothingness into ones life which leads into the drifting away of pure escape, down the tunnel mouth of what appears to be darker than darkness. An evil called seduction en captured with deception that clothes the mental state and suppresses rationale thinking into silence while the thought of emptiness grows vague. 

The authenticity of pure hopelessness and the cross roads of trying to understand the 'why' confronts the reality everyday with; what exactly is purpose and how does one make sense out of what does not? These never ending questions of torment and heaviness seeps into the subconscious and without comparison invades the consciousness with the desire of needing more resolve to what is not understood. 

The belief that no one understands and knows the pain that needs to be escaped and the overwhelming burden of rejection comes to sit upon the shoulders of the 'strong one' never finding the resolve cried out for but instead finds what appears to be the solution. Oftentimes it is not understood  the 'why' that occurs within this life allowed to every man or woman. There are many circumstances that dictate the outcome of each directional step taken. 

 For example; every man and woman has to deal with certain inevitable moments that presents itself to try you either in your faith or your heart and sometimes both. When the heart takes an excruciating blow it literally takes the breath from you while leaving you in a state of confusion. When your faith has been greatly tried it literally causes you to question 'God' the only problem you have are the many questions that race through your mind only to find yourself question-less when the lips part and nothing seems to come out but a cry of agony.

 This is up close and personal in the face of suicide with the deep desire to want to make sense out of what does not therefore bringing you into a knowing moment that this 'way' is not the resolve. Now what? You scream, you cry, you eat, you don't eat. You want to call someone, you do not feel like being bothered, you want to socialize, you do not want to be around people, Now where? Where do you turn while facing the loneliness? Where do you turn while fighting through all the confusion?

The inevitable moment of these oppression's that sit upon your mind and heart. Who do you call? Who will understand the in-depth feelings you have? Who will genuinely listen/hear the words in between your words? Who will hear your hearts agony? Who will care? When will it all turn around for the good and how much longer will you have to keep pushing? What happens when there is no more push?

 These questions and more flood the mind and heart when its up close and personal in the face of suicide. 

WEIGHT LOSS: WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOSING?

People have different reasons why they lose weight. Some people become tired of being overweight and simply make the changes necessary to accomplish their goal of weight loss. Others lose weight because there is either a significant health issue/s attached and losing weight is imperative or they are tired of looking at themselves in the mirror. 

There are various reasons why people lose weight. Another reason why people may lose weight is to become comfortable within their own skin per se. Some people have become so overweight they have problems breathing, sleeping problems, skin problems, moving from one place to another, or simply uncomfortable in their way of living.

 Unfortunately, you have those who lose weight outside their means of control; for example due to cancer (cancer family) or some form of thyroid problem, stress can cause a person to lose a significant amount of weight. The issue with thyroid can also cause you to gain weight. Let’s go back to your child hood moment of having dinner cooked and its not to say your parents way of cooking was wrong, but the discipline of in-taking foods then and now are primary reasons why there are huge weight issues.

 However, what if there was another reason why it is imperative for people to lose weight? A reason that has never been discussed other than weight loss will make you ‘feel’ better. But what if losing weight is correlated with losing a lot of emotional baggage that a person has carried for years. These emotional baggage have caused people to become weighed down in the oppression of depression and deep hurts. 

The weight that has been carried by different individuals is a greater issue emotionally because there may be times where you eat from the drive of an unknown subconscious underlying issue. What if the significance of losing this weight plays an extreme role of truly fulfilling your desired happiness that lies within your control?

 What if the weight that you carry is due from all the hurt and pain, the rejection, the fears, the craving of wanting to be with someone but morally as well as ethically you know you cannot because it’s wrong and now you resort to eating? You don't eat because you are hungry, but for self-satisfaction; often times you become your own sweet little white lie you tell yourself that you are okay but are driven by the pain to eat. 

You tell yourself you are okay but are driven by the hurts to eat. You say you’re okay, however, whatever is going on subconsciously is driving you to take in what isn’t good for you at that moment. Driven to soothe the pain and hurt in some form or another. Driven to soothe the loneliness and aches of not having someone truly there for you. 

There are many people who are driven to drink alcohol, smoke and use drugs mostly because there is an underlying issue of a developed hurt that begun somewhere. You oftentimes have reasons to suppress these underlying issues and for the most part try to suffocate the ‘feeling’ of what was done and how it was done, but it’s never to any avail because it’s rooted and grounded. 

The psyche tells you that you're okay as long as you make these sweet confessions every day, but how often do people stop and really ask themselves, “Why do you drink? Why are you so angry? Why are you really eating? Why do you need to feel that intimacy? Why do you get high? Why do you really justify behaviors that only bring you harm? Why do you justify behaviors that compromise who you are?" 

In closing; losing weight isn’t just a matter of inches turned into pounds. Losing weight is a matter of losing all the emotional baggage, heartaches/abuse (emotional, physical & psychological), seasonal relationships/divorce, negative words that were spoken to your soul; this is accumulated weight gain that need to be addressed and lost. This is the significant weight loss that is necessary to keep you from dying and the opportunity to drive you to use as leverage; to press into the pain and move forward. 

Press into those disappointments and move forward. Press into the negative words and move forward. This weight does not have to weigh upon your present but it can be leverage to catapult you into your future. Let’s lose the weight and build from there a healthier outlook for yourselves. Lose the naysayers and just do it.